We grieve loss. There are many ways to experience loss. The most commonly recognized is the loss of a loved one, family or friend. What if someone, or a group, that your love and felt safe with all the sudden found no value in your talent, or gift? My sister Lisa and many other women at my home congregation have experienced all of these losses.
Individuals that have lost a limb, use of a limb(s), sight, hearing, speech or some other disfigurement grieve the loss because they no longer are who they were before. Their perception is that what they lost made them who they were. Loss of a spouse in death or by divorce is much the same feeling. Who am I now that I am not Mrs. --------- or Mr. -------- husband of --------- . Now I wonder who I am if I can no longer verbalize a prayer even in the smallist gathering of my church family?
It knocks the breath out of me to suddenly realize there are those who are offended simply by hearing me pray. It can be a beautiful prayer. The communication verbalized may be exactly what is on the offended person’s heart but because I said it within their hearing they were offended. How can that be? How can a Christian be offended or threatened by hearing another bare their heart to God?
What if I’m offended by their prejudice? We have no trouble working up some righteous indignation because we cannot pray in schools, at ball games, or display the Ten Commandments in our courtrooms. Yet there are those in our own church that would discourage a fellow Christian from praying during an open time of sharing based on gender. Somehow this threatens them as leaders? I guess I was foolish to expect them to want to know my heart. If our leadership can be so easily threatened what does that mean for the future of the church?
I can work outside the home. I can, and have, served in the military. I could be a Christian brother's boss or exert influence over them at work but I can’t verbally participate in a prayer time opened to anyone who wants to pray. Isn't my whole life a service to God? I hate to use the old cliche "Times have changed.". It is true though. Just like wearing hats and only dresses to church.
So as Christians how do we know when it is time to stand up and press an issue and when we should yield to another? I guess that is the real question. For a woman, especially one that grew up wearing hats to church and only dresses, this is a particularly distressing question. Is it a conscience issue? For some it is. Those that submit out of love, are they stronger or weaker? How do we know if we are just going along or making a conscious decision to forgive and allow time for God to work? Is God saying that it is not time for change or that this change is not within His will or is this a test of some sort? The tempest is raging. I will try to find the peaceful shelter my Lord has provided, pray for the storm to pass quickly and for all to be made clear.
Matthew 18:1-4
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus and said, “Who then is greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 And He called a child to Himself and set him in their midst, 3 and said, “Truly I say to you, unless you are turned and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever then humbles himself as this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. (NASB)
Children pray together without thought to gender. Why can’t we? I just don't understand. Lord, please help me understand.
Rachel -- I was catching up on some reading and just came across this. I love your questions and thoughts - especially on how we can be so indignant about banning prayer in school and yet, because you and I are women, we are being banned from praying with men at church. And all in the name of 'proper roles.' It's just all very hypocritical on many levels, from my point of view. And how do we know when to just try to get along and when to press an issue? This is what I am trying to figure out, too... I join you in praying, "Lord, please help me to understand..." Thanks for expressing yourself so honestly and boldly.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kay. I let all this throw me off from my blog and have been feeling the urge to get back to it. I am usually “full of questions”.
DeleteHow you know when to get along is a question I think we are all asking ourselves at this time. I do not know that sharing my thoughts will be helpful to you but here it is. Our congregation is unique at least in this area. The diversity is the basis of that uniqueness. Visitors comment often that they are impressed by the love and unity they see displayed by our congregation. The only way that works is that some are always making this decision. Do I accept and submit? Are the other things that I love about this congregation enough to balance out the personal cost of submitting. The tower of Babel comes to mind. I thought about that when you wrote about the change you made to the Wednesday night study from the singing group. You felt God was calling you to step out of your comfort zone (If I remember correctly). I found that whole topic very challenging. I have a tendency to be a person of routine. I find it very hard to step out of my comfort zone. So back to the question at hand, is God like the tower of Babel showing us that we are holding on too tight to our congregation and not enough to Him? Is it time for some to go out and spread some of the “uniqueness” to other congregations? Do other congregations need refreshing? Or is He saying that we need to learn to submit? As I see that is a very personal decision that each person or family must make for themselves.
How did God make men and women different . . .other than physically? Typically logic and emotional make up are identified. While I do not see the love and respect, logic and emotion line as being black and white, I do believe the basic analysis to be generally correct. I believe that one of our (women) greatest blessings is the ability to connect with our emotions and the emotions of others. I see it as another sense that we use to understand everything. I bring this up only to say that our greatest strengths can also be a weakness. The questions I am still asking myself and praying about are: Is this something that I cannot or should not live with? Am I leaning toward a decision at this point based solely or mostly on emotion? Should I take a short cooling off period and then re-evaluate? Am I considering which path will bring me closer to God? What is best for the building up of my family? I sometimes find it hard to discern the voice of God from what I “feel”. My husband and I will discuss this many times. I will pray. We will come to a decision together. In my mind there is no wrong answer as long as we remain faithful in Him. Consider this from the logical point of view. Stop and meditate allowing your feelings to speak to you. Then do what you feel God is leading you and your family to through His Spirit. You and your family are loved. You will make the right choice. There is no rush.