The women in the Sunday morning Ladies Class I attend give each other a lot of support just in that short hour we have together. During the discussions we share our lives, past and present, as it relates to whatever the topic is that day.
What has remained in my mind from a recent class is not the actual comment that was made but a side comment. The woman was making a comment and in trying to communicate her thought used the word “happy” as a descriptive and then immediately corrected herself, under her breath, saying “Well that is not a good word” and went on to quickly re-phrase. My immediate knee-jerk reaction was to blurt out “Yes it is. It is a good word!”. I sat quietly through the rest of her comment and then shared something that has been on my heart off and on for about 10 years now.
It is my belief that "leadership" has been so intent on squelching any attempt to promote the idea that “God wants me to be happy even if my choices are not in accordance with His will.” that they have vilified the word “happy”. This bothers me immensely.
The wording may not be exact “God does not care if you are happy.”, “God does not promise you happiness.”, during one of the lowest times of my life a statement along this line was made to me. These statements are internalized by those dealing with hardship as “I’m not supposed to be happy.”, "If I’m happy I am experiencing something not of God.”, “ I will never experience happiness again as a part of my walk with God because God doesn’t care or want me to be happy.” I was afraid to use the word "happy" because I would be quickly and firmly corrected by someone parroting the same notion that if you are happy you are living in the world or doing something sinful.
The wording may not be exact “God does not care if you are happy.”, “God does not promise you happiness.”, during one of the lowest times of my life a statement along this line was made to me. These statements are internalized by those dealing with hardship as “I’m not supposed to be happy.”, "If I’m happy I am experiencing something not of God.”, “ I will never experience happiness again as a part of my walk with God because God doesn’t care or want me to be happy.” I was afraid to use the word "happy" because I would be quickly and firmly corrected by someone parroting the same notion that if you are happy you are living in the world or doing something sinful.
Instead I believe that God does want us to be happy. He does not guarantee happiness for those whose lives are lived outside of a relationship with Him or outside His will for our lives and lifestyles. Any happiness in these latter situations is an illusion, a worldly happiness, used by Satan to keep up a deception that we are okay to continue in sin.
It has taken me a long time to find other words to express what I was trying to communicate when I made the mistake of saying "I’m not happy." Consider this statement instead, “I am deeply disturbed in my soul.” Or “I am grieving, frightened, or deeply confused about something.”
It has taken me a long time to find other words to express what I was trying to communicate when I made the mistake of saying "I’m not happy." Consider this statement instead, “I am deeply disturbed in my soul.” Or “I am grieving, frightened, or deeply confused about something.”
So what was my comment? In Galatians 5:22-23 Paul is inspired to write, “But the fruits of the Spirit are love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. Against such things there is no law.”(NIV) If I am living in a right relationship with God, with the Spirit living in me so that I am developing, growing in, experiencing these Spirit fruits in my life then guess what. I am happy. It is obvious to me that God tells us through the inspired scripture how to be truly happy and that is as an obedient child of His striving to grow in Spirit and Truth.
In Philippians 4:12 Paul again shares. (NIV) –“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.”
NCV - "I know how to live when I am poor, and I know how to live when I have plenty. I have learned the secret of being happy at any time in everything that happens, when I have enough to eat and when I go hungry, when I have more than I need and when I do not have enough."
There are many translations that use words other than “content” and “happy”. My point is that before we start telling people experiencing some of the harshest trials of their life that “God doesn’t care if you are happy” we should find out what their definition of happiness is. If we cannot be certain that they are living outside of God grace and they start talking about not being happy maybe our first reaction should be to ask them what they mean by "not happy" or "Why do you think/feel you are not happy?" in a effort to really hear and understand what they are saying rather than tell them that God does not care about the grief and pain they are experiencing.
Words . . . I truly dislike when we try to use words against people instead of trying to understand their message. Even in the best of circumstances I often stumble over my words, especially the spoken word. When under extreme stress it is very likely there may be a bad choice of words by anyone. Please do not squelch hope of those struggling.
We should demonstrate our faith and love to those in distress. We should be moved to encourage them. We should help them. We should try to instill hope. Treat others as you would want to be treated. That is in the bible, right? God’s bosom is a place of comfort and safety in times of trouble. His church should be the same. If something comes to light that needs to be dealt with then address it. Otherwise, we should try to refrain from dragging our own baggage in to the situation.
We should demonstrate our faith and love to those in distress. We should be moved to encourage them. We should help them. We should try to instill hope. Treat others as you would want to be treated. That is in the bible, right? God’s bosom is a place of comfort and safety in times of trouble. His church should be the same. If something comes to light that needs to be dealt with then address it. Otherwise, we should try to refrain from dragging our own baggage in to the situation.
Ephesians 4:14-16 - Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming. 15 Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is, Christ. 16 From Him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.
I Corinthians 13:1-8a 1If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails.
We are to speak the truth in love. God’s love always protects, trusts, hopes, and preserves . . . it never fails. These should be the characteristics reflecteed by those who are trying to help another navigate through a tragedy.
